DVD Review: Rock Slyde

Hi there…

Rock Slyde aspires to be a noir detective flick in the vein of Raymond Chandler‘s stories or the classic Steve Martin comedy Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid. To say it missed the vein completely and should have been put out of its misery hits a bit closer to the truth.

I think thought Patrick Warburton could do no wrong after such great roles in TV’s Rules of Engagement and The Tick. He’s even funny when you just hear him do his voiceover roles for cartoons – as with Kronk in The Emperor’s New Groove or as the sheriff the recent reboot of Scooby-Doo Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated. Evidently not even Patrick’s brand of funny is the Midas touch.

In Rock Slyde, Warburton plays the title character – Private Detective Rock Slyde. And through the bad jokes, the juvenile sight gags, and the fictitious musical gay porno, it goes downhill from the beginning.

Also appearing in the film are Andy Dick as Bart, the founder of the cult of Bartology; Rena Sofer as femme fatale Sara Lee; Elaine Hendrix as Slyde’s secretary/assistant Judy Bee; Jason Alexander as Mailman Stan, a fan of musical gay pornos; Eric Roberts as Jake the Deliveryman; Lea Thompson as a Master Bartologist; Tom Bergeron as Randy Wonder, the owner of Wonderburger; and Brian Bosworth as “The Friendly Pirate” in the bad pirate porno…

The last time I thought Andy Dick was funny was on NewsRadio in the mid ’90s. His character Bart is a Dr. Evil (Austin Powers) wannabe. Sofer is beautiful and I’ve liked her recent roles as self-assured, powerful women on NCIS and Bones, but her role as a lonely damsel in distress didn’t work. And it’s bad when Tom Bergeron, host of America’s Funniest Home Videos has one of the funnier scenes as a Bartologist firing one of his workers at the burger joint simply because the all mighty Bart tells him to.

It’s not as if there isn’t any talent here. But I’m always amazed when a great cast can’t save a movie. It’s happened before, I know. Not every film can be great. Some can’t even be mediocre. But Rock Slyde proves that actors can’t save a script that simply isn’t funny.

In addition to the movie itself, there’s also a “Behind the Scenes” feature that isn’t much more than numerous clips literally shot behind the scenes of the actors and crew as they filmed the movie. There are a few amusing moments, but nothing that really saves the film.

Ultimately, this movie was a waste of time. Unless you’re into fictitious musical gay pornography, I’d skip Rock Slyde all together. Though I still think Warburton has an amazing gift for comedy, he couldn’t save this movie from itself.

This article first appeared at BlogCritics.org here.

–Fitz

p.s. If you really want to see this film, there’s a link below, but I’d recommend checking out some of Warburton’s other work instead.

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Trailer Time: The Expendables, August 2010?

Hi all…

This falls into the “holy shit” category of casting. I’d not heard of The Expendables until this week and now I have to admit I’m looking forward to it. Even if it stinks, it’s going to be fun to see this cast together.

“Who’s in it?” you might ask…

And if that’s not enough, there also seem to be cameos from Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Here’s the trailer:

Basically if you’re looking for a movie filled with testosterone, this movie is it. Written and directed by Stallone, I think this film has the potential to kick some serious butt.

Here’s the synopsis:

Expendable: capable of being sacrificed in order to accomplish a military objective.

THE EXPENDABLES is a hard-hitting action/thriller about a group of mercenaries hired to infiltrate a South American country and overthrow its ruthless dictator. Once the mission begins, the men realize things aren’t quite as they appear, finding themselves caught in a dangerous web of deceit and betrayal. With their mission thwarted and an innocent life in danger, the men struggle with an even tougher challenge – one that threatens to destroy this band of brothers.

Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) is a man with nothing to lose. Fearless and void of emotion, he is the leader, the sage and the strategist of this tight-knit band of men who live on the fringe. His only attachment is to his pickup truck, his seaplane and his team of loyal modern-day warriors. His is a true cynic who describes what he does as “removing those hard to get at stains.” The team behind him is made up of Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), former SAS and a savant with anything that has a blade; Yin Yang (Jet Li), a master at close-quarter combat; Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), who has known Barney for ten years and is a long-barrel weapons specialist; Toll Road (Randy Couture), a skilled demolitions expert and considered the intellect of the group; and Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), a combat veteran and an expert in precision sniping who struggles with his own demons.

When the mysterious Church offers Barney a job no one else would take, Barney and his team embark on what appears to be a routine mission: overthrow General Gaza (David Zayas), the murderous dictator of the small island country of Vilena and end the years of death and destruction inflicted on its people. On a reconnaissance mission to Vilena, Barney and Christmas meet their contact Sandra (Giselle Itie), a local freedom-fighter with a dark secret. They also come to learn who their true enemy is: rogue ex-CIA operative James Monroe (Eric Roberts) and his henchman Paine (Steve Austin). When things go terribly wrong, Barney and Christmas are forced to leave Sandra behind, essentially giving her a death sentence. Haunted by this failure, Barney convinces the team to return to Vilena to rescue the hostage and finish the job he started. And to perhaps save a soul: his own.

Are you interested yet? I know I am… Look for it sometime in August 2010!

–Fitz

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